I’ve been married for over 3 years now with one child with the second child on the way. The main issue reason why I’m writing is to get advice on how to tackle my husband’s disturbing behaviour.
Whenever we have a misunderstanding, he always takes it too far. He twists it until it becomes a serious one. This started happening a few months after we got married and it has continued. When issues arise, which in most cases he is at fault, he’ll keep twisting anything I say or do, and it frustrates me. He’ll act like a kid and he will still make sure I get all the blame.
When issues arise, he will start keeping malice with me. I can go on pacifying him for like 3 days before he opens up on why he’s keeping malice with me and I could use another 3 days to beg him before he finally forgives.
Another thing that happens most times when we have issue is that he will say awful things to me and pack his bag and leave the house. He will not pick my calls or call me or reply to any of my WhatsApp or text messages whenever he leaves the house (we live in a big house of our own). He can leave the house for days. I know he is not the cheating type because he is very free with me and I’m free to take his phone or any other thing when we are in good terms.
Sometimes, I will have to call my mother in law to talk to him before he returns home and he will say awful things about me to his mum when his mum asks him what happened. Whenever he returns home, I will have to persuade or beg him for like a day or two before he starts behaving normal.
Later, I stopped telling his mum after the birth of our first child. He has a very close friend turned family who I use to report too when issues come up and he will listen to him after a few days of talking to him. His friend keeps telling him to always controls his emotions and anger and he will tell his friend he has heard and change but will still go back to his old ways.
He is very gentle and ready to listen to people out there and settle things maturely and amicably but the reverse is the case with me. I don’t report him to his siblings because he is the last born and only male and I don’t want him to paint me black so that his siblings will not use what tells them against me. When he is in a good mood, I talk to him about his behaviour and even though he’ll tell me he has changed, he’ll still go back to his old ways.
His friend always tells him to always settle things with me without involving his family but he doesn’t listen. He keeps painting me black in front of his friend but his friend does not mind him. We have had issues in front of his friend a few times before which is why he can’t paint me black in front of him.
Currently, I am pregnant with my second child and I have high blood pressure in pregnancy and pains in some part of my body which my husband is aware of. Yet, he still fights with me and leaves the house without calling or picking my calls. He leaves me and my toddler in the whole house whenever he is angry. No matter what happens to me or our child, he will never attend to us or show us any concern or attend to any of our needs.
I know people will say I should stop making him angry or that I have not studied his behaviour. I have studied his behaviour but he always complicates things every time with silly things that he should not be angry about. Also, when he is angry and I don’t make a move to pacify him or call people to talk him, the fight will continue like that till God knows when. He has never called me nor made a move to settle any quarrel between us. I am usually only the one to do this. I’m tired of this whole thing and my love for him is diminishing.
What do you suggest I do about this attitude for him to change to be a better person and start behaving like a mature man. I am tired of calling his friend and his mum so that they will not tag me as a talkative wife who cannot keep her home. Besides, I am heavily pregnant at the moment